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BIGFOOT WANT PRETTY WOMAN FOR MATE
So me not get lucky much lately. Want to meet ladies, try bar but not work good. See pretty girl and go after her, Bigfoot pretty smoove. Go to jukebox, play Whitesnake nod along to 'here I go again on me own', Check fly, check mouth stink, order to martinis and swagger over. Me say: 'hello, this seat take?" Most time pretty lady just run away, scream, sometime pepperspray. Worst is when they just sit scream silent while vomit trickle down chin like hot fudge on sundae. How me supposed to recover from that? Onetime girl be friendly, let BigFoot sit. I figure me find mate, so me mark her with musk so other guy know "Stay Away, She Bigfoot!" NO GOOD! She allergic to Bigfoot stink and go into anaphalaxis. Now me on web personals. BigFoot write clever.
SEX: ALPHA MALE
ETHNICITY: BIGFOOT/NATIVE AMERICAN/SASQUATCH
LOCATION: NEXT TO BUSH AND OAK TREE
EDUCATION: ME WATCH BOYSCOUTS
LOOKING FOR: HOT SHEFOOT
OCCUPATION: FOREST GENTLEMAN
HEIGHT: 7'3"
WEIGHT: LOTS
EYES: TINY
HAIR: MATTED, BROWN
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SAD AND LONELY
WANT CHILDREN: SMALL LITTER
ACTIVITIES: JAZZERSCIZE, RUNNING FROM CAMERAS, FILTH HOARDING, CHILLIN', CRYING SELF TO SLEEP
CELEBRITY I MOST RESEMBLE: GOD DAMN CHEWBACCA, MALCOLM JAMAL WARNER, MESELF, COUSIN IT FROM ADDAMS FAMILY
IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW: DOLLY PARTON'S UTERUS, ON A BEACH IN THAILAND READING SARTRE SO ME CAN BE DIPSHIT STEREOTYPE HIPSTER LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON HERE. AT SIX FLAGS EATING FIVE CORN DOGS BY FOUR PORT-A-JOHNS AT THREE IN THE AFTERNOON ON SECOND DAY OF JANUARY.
MOST HUMBLING MOMENT: ONETIME I WALKING DOWN RED CARPET AT FOREST CREATURE AWARDS AND I STEP IN DOG DOO. IF THAT NOT BAD ENOUGH SOME REPORTER THINK HE FUNNY AND SAY, "YOU REALLY PUT YOUR BIGFOOT IN IT NOW BIGFOOT!" SO I DO WHAT SEEM LIKE RIGHT THING AT TIME AND TEAR HIM HEAD OFF AND USE TO CLEAN FOOT. THEN I REMEMBER I NOMINATED FOR GOOD CITIZEN AWARD FOR ME GOOD WORK WITH KID WHAT WEAR HOCKEY HELMET ALL TIME. WHAT A PICKLE, WHAT A PICKLE.
WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME: HEY I LIKE EASY GOING GUY, KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT CAN ALSO BE SEXY AS ALL GET OUT. GIVE GOOD BACK RUBS, SOMETIME MIGHT CRACK RIB BUT NOTHING THAT BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE IN BUBBLE BATH NO FIX. I PRETTY CLEAN GUY TOO, FAMILY OF VOLES IN ARMPIT TAKE CARE OF BIGFOOT LICE, EARWIG, SILVERFISH, DUNG BEETLE, NITS, GNATS, EARTHWORM, TAPE WORM, GARTER SNAKE, WASP NESTS, ANT COLONY, TERMITE MOUND, CRABS, SCABS, SCABIES, SHINGLES, FOOT BITS, SHIT BITS, DINGLEBERRIES, PINK EYE, GREEN EYE AND SO ON. I SMELL LIKE COMPOST BUT COMPOST SMELL LIKE FALL AND FALL VERY NICE WITH PRETTY LEAVES AND PUNKIN' PIE SO YOU JUST VISUALIZE THAT AS YOU DRY HEAVE AND EVERYTHING BE OK. I dont know if you know it or not, but you are kissing her ass. Some find it cute. Some even get pleasure from it. No one finds it romantic. 1. 6 weeks (enough said dont even have to go there.) 2. You say you her. You dont even know her, but you her. How can you someone that you do not know? Impossible. 3. Shes keeping you around to cry on or bitch to. Do you feel like toilet paper? You should. "Why does this keep happening to me, Ubel?" Since this "relationship" is only 6 weeks old, my guess is that you volunteered to play the part of toilet paper. Yet, you get ticked when she 'uses' you. I guess that means that great looking attractive guys can be toilet paper too.
Cathern
24
Cape Girardeau
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