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I'll start by apologizing to anyone who was actually intrigued and drawn in by the title to this ad. It was merely a device to get you to open this post and, perhaps, actually read it. This is little more than the prototypical CL married-man-looking-for-an-affair ad. There's a few gazillion of these posted here every day, so the chances of these actually being read are like, slim to none. So, a body has to do SOMETHING to stand out from the crowd. I happen to do catchy titles pretty damned well, even if I do say so myself. Anyway, I'm not actually looking for a cannibal. And I don't even know what a surf-nazi housewife is. But you have to admit, it DOES have an interesting ring to it, doesn't it. And to any cannibals or surf-nazi housewives out there who may have been offended, I am really incredibly sorry. =) But I digress. . . What I'm really looking for here is an affair -- 'friends with benefits', a regular fuck buddy, a fling, someone to become my new-best-favorite-number-one-concubine. . . whatever you want to it. I hate labels - they can be too confining. The point is, I've decided this is something I need to do at this point in my life. This is part escape, part fantasy, and part of an effort to keep me sane. Few of the driving reasons for this would stand up in court, but it's what I have to work with. Suffice it to say, I have all the requisite justifications worked out in my little mind, and I am at peace with the whole thing. You'll want to know a bit about me. I am an engineer with some rather arcane specialties. Loosely translated, that means I'm King of the Geeks. If I was running from the FBI (I'm not!), the description of me hanging on the post office wall would say I'm Caucasian, about 5'. I tend to view music as a litmus test to categorize personalities. Yeah, I know. . . If you like NASCAR and drinking a six pack while watching the football game, we have nothing in common. Really. I'd prefer to discuss religion or politics over a good Cabernet. Oh, and speaking of drinking, I've known my share of heavy drinkers. If you're the neighborhood party poodle, like your hard liquor and getting your barf on, drive through please. There's nothing here for you. The bottom line with all that is, I'm not looking for the typical late 40 something beer drinking, classic album rock listening girl. One last thing. . . No one "large" please. It's not personal; it's just not a good fit. So, if you choose to respond (don't laugh. . . it could happen), please include the following: * A face picture -- preferably yours. No pic? All will be forgiven if your reply is a good read. * A brief description of yourself and what you're looking for. * Some sort of commentary to indicate that you actually read this ad. Ok, yeah. . . So I guess I've just about run out of inspiring things to say to entice you into writing. If you're bright, witty, attractive, have a well developed sense of humor, and just happen to be scouring CL looking for an affair, send me a note. At best, this could turn out to be a whole lot of fun. At worst, you'll have wasted a few minutes and horribly inconvenienced an extraordinary large number of electrons. What have you got to lose?
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